Breakdown of the word "xAstegAri"
"xAstegAri" is the Persian equivalent for "Courtship." It is normally spelled like this:
At the head of this page, you see that we have broken the word down into three parts (as you know, we here at ajabanzabAn like
to deconstruct words and phrases to get a better understanding of what they mean and how language works). The parts are:
- the word "xAst", which is the past stem of the verb "xAstan" - "to want",
- the suffix "gAr", which is an ending that means "one who is or does." This is the equivalent of the English suffixes "-er" or "-ed", as in "teach-ER" (Amuz-gAr), "bless-ED" (raste-gAr).
so now we have "xAstegAr" - "wanter" e.g., "suitor".
- the suffix "i," which in some cases is used as an indefinite suffix, but here works as "-ing" as in "suitoring" or "courting"
Hence we go from "Want" to "Wanter" to "Wantering".
What, you think it's too complicated?
Think English is easy? Well, let's just break
the word "courtship" down. This gives us:
- "court" ( which has over 12 distinct definitions in the dictionary, most of which seem related to legal matters or
sports ("tennis court"), wait! Here's one related to romance: "to attempt to gain, seek" - as in "courting disaster," hmmm...Freudian); and
- "ship" - not boat, but the suffix that means "quality, state or condition" as in "apprenticeship".
So courtship is a condition of attempting to gain or seek an audience with someone
in a kind of formal and legal sense.
And here we see more legal themes: "suitor" comes from "suit" which also has a variety of implications,
some legalistic (law suit - which fits with "court") and others not (a suit you wear, a suit of cards). Also, "suit" can be used as a suffix to mean "follow" or "seek" - the "pursuit" of happiness.
What's interesting to us here at ajabanzabAn is that the Persian approach to the word
emphasizes "wanting" and hence, desire, while the English word emphasizes legal and formal considerations.
What are the implications? What is involved in the tradition of xAstegAri?
It's a fine tradition. How to explain it? It's not like your parents arrange a marriage for you, or anything.
They are just very active in helping you pick out suitable mates and they are very involved in the negotiation
process to figure out what to do when you get them. Here is an article fron Iranchamber.com that talks
about marriage but also mentions what leads up to it.
Coming soon: Inappropriate xAstegAri jokes. My family hasn't found
a spouse for me yet. What can I do on my own?
What, your parents and aunts and uncles haven't arranged a marriage for you yet?
Or even a meeting with some xAstegAr?
Pity. Well, you can try to take things
into your own hands. Good luck.
Online Dating
Here are
links
to singles sites that cater to Persian clientele:
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